Affirmations work
wonderfully! The most hopeless young person is the one who feels he
or she “just can’t win.” And too often, we as parents,
inadvertently lead our kids to that conclusion. We can too easily or
too quickly focus on “what still needs improvement” and miss
“what’s right” in our kids lives. (I’m speaking to me!)
I’m
not the “affirming parent” that I want to be—and that’s
partially why I made this list. It’s what I see good parents do—the
parents I wish I were more like—the parents I strive to be like!
So, as food for thought, here’s a starter list of fifteen ways we
could affirm our kids this week:
Speak
Praise to Them—just
pause in an unexpected moment and say, “Hey, I just want you to
know I’m am very proud of you, and here are some reasons why!” or
“Hey, I want you to know you’re really doing a great job in (fill
in the blank here!)”
Write
a Specific Note to Them—Write
out the good qualities and successes you see unfolding in their
lives. Even better—mail or post it to them. Their surprise is well
worth the fifty cents!
Speak
Highly of Them In Front of Others—When
they can hear you, speak up to others about some of the ways you see
them growing, doing right, or working hard. They will rise in their
attempt to live up to your decsription!
Acknowledge
Their Heart—Let
them know you understand their good intentions, even when the outcome
isn’t what you intended!
Try
To Understand Their Emotions—There’s
something powerful about having “the way you feel” validated by
someone in authority—even if the circumstances can’t change. You
may not be able to give them their way, but you could let them know
you understand how they feel.
Reward
Them Constantly—Pick
up and give a gift for no reason other than the fact that you are
proud of their good efforts in some area.
Honor
Them Contstantly—Prefer
them in a way that lets them know they are highly valued by you.
Treat them like you would treat someone very important in your world.
Involve them in your conversations, and don't ignore them.
Spend
Time With Them—They
already know you’re busy, so giving them quantity and quality time
will speak loudly as to your love and honor toward them. Let them
know when they are having/getting quality time, but also let them
know, when are the times you will be busy.
Express
Physical Affection Toward Them—Again,
just randomly pause, wrap them up in your arms, and squeeze for a
while. And while you do, say something like, “I love you so much! I
can’t believe how awesome you are!”
Surprise
Them—Their
favorite restaurant or meal, a new book, a special event, or a
spontaneous family memory—do something awesome that they aren’t
expecting, and let them know it’s because you are proud of them.
Do
a Random Act of Kindness for Them—Help
them clean out their closet, fill their car with gas, send a quick
text message, pick them up at school and go to lunch. There are about
ten million other ideas you could come up with on your own.
Genuinely
Admire Them—Pause,
think about your child, and consider the ways they excel. Consider
the areas in which you might even envy them—and then celebrate
those qualities. (Be honest—some times and in some ways our kids
flat put us to shame!)
Praise
Them Publicly—This
isn’t bragging if it’s done in the right way, from a grateful
heart—but acknowledge what your children are doing right and what
God is teaching you through them. One easy way to do this is to thank
them in front of others.
Defer
to Their Decision (When Possible)—Don’t
fight over things worth losing. Preferring one another is a wonderful
expression of love. For instance, let them choose where or what to
eat for dinner. When possible, let them make a key decision and
praise them for “getting it right.”
Made
a Big Deal of Good Decisions—When
your kids make a wise choice, go nuts! Celebrate spiritual victories
with all the zeal and energy of a lunatic Super Bowl fan!
When
I read above mentioned actions, it makes me smile, because I have so
much room for improvement, and I’m sure you do too. Take on an
affirming spirit and you will be surprised by the effect! Good luck
:-)
